im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
