God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.