absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
