i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.