I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
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I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.