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• (206): View more from Washington

  genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?

  (940): View more from Texas

  I worry about you.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (408): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......

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• (315): View more from New York

  I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies

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• (805): View more from California

  Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.

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