if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.