I CAN MOONWALK!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10