Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
