toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We are two peas in an std pod
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
