The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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