Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
