I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
