Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
