I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
