I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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