so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
