I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
