You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
