dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
