yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
