My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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