my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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