capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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