I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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