btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
