just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
