Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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