is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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