It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
