Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
