One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
