i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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