Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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