I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
