you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
