she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
