Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have post one night stand depression
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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