shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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