Your dad touched me again.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
