Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
