How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
