i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
