I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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