I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
