Please, let me fuck your mom
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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