I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize