meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if only i could text you this smell
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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