3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
