omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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