You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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