she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
