He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize