Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just pee around me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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