Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
