R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
