Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
