I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
