my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
