One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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