when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
