Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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