I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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