Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
