It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
