I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
