fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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