I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
