Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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