I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
