The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
