Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
