My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
