shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
