they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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