Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
