i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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