"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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