u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
