do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want to make a zoo with you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Im part way to drunk.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
