I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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