this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
