I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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