apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
