can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
