careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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