I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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