Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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