i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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