Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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