White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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