Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
