God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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