My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
