Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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