guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
