I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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